The Hangover
by JaceWaylandYouBadass
Summary: I thought, wouldn't it be just awesome if the Mortal Instruments characters were in the Movie, The Hangover? Based on the movie! Rated T, but I'm not sure if it may have sexual themes or not as it continues.
1. The Morning of the Wedding Drama

_**Hey guys, so I wanted to try a different Mortal Instruments FanFiction, so here it is! Tell me what you think!**_

* * *

Isabelle's wedding day was finally here. She looked out the window of the small white house in Manhattan her and Simon had bought only a couple of months ago, to see the white vans pull up on her driveway, delivering the flowers for the big day.

The big white cake, with four tiers and orange lilies, her mother Maryse had mad herself, was sitting in the kitchen, the final touches just being added. Her mother had never really approved of her marrying a vampire, but she had warmed up to him lately. Because Alec had a lovely girlfriend, she was relying on him and Max to give her grandchildren.

Isabelle was sitting in her bedroom, which was filled with anything a bride could ever need for her wedding. Her dress was everything she had ever imagined it to be; an ivory white strapless masterpiece, with a train that ran almost four meters. She had silver tiara, of course, with a white veil dotted with tiny pearly beads and white satin heels. The three black bridesmaids' dresses were hanging on their hooks, waiting to be worn today. They were pretty, of course, but she didn't pick _really_ pretty ones. She didn't want the bridesmaids to look better than her.

The huge garden was filled with endless numbers of white chairs and balloons, and a floral archway, which she and Simon would be married under in a matter of hours.

Today, Simon would be coming back from Las Vegas with Alec, Jace and Eric, where they had his stag night. She wasn't too worried that had been up to no good, because he knew he would be in for it when he got back if he did.

The only thing really wrong with Isabelle's wedding day so far was that the groom hadn't arrived yet. She didn't really know when he was meant to arrive, but she had a feeling that something bad had happened.

She called Jace, but every time she got to his answer phone.

"Hey, it's Jace," she mouthed along with it, "looks like I can't take your call right now, so call me back later. Don't leave a text, it's gay." She heard Alec protest in the background, he was always really sensitive about that subject for some reason, "Sorry, I love the gays, I might even—" it had cut him off at that point. That was the fifth time in an hour that she'd called him, and still, no answer.

"Anything?" Maryse asked, walking away from the window.

"It keeps going straight to voicemail," Isabelle sighed.

"Well, there _has_ to be an explanation," her mother comforted her.

"Sweetie, it's Vegas," her father said. "You can lose track of time in those casinos. There's no windows, no clocks. They are probably on a heater. And you never walk away from the table when you're on a heater."

"You _do_ if you're getting married," Maryse rolled her eyes.

Isabelle's phone rang, and she answered it immediately, almost dropping it in her hands. "Hello?"

"Izzy, it's Jace," he coughed.

"Jace, where the hell are you guys?" She said with a scary-calm voice as she stood up from her chair. "I'm freaking out."

"Eh, listen," he procrastinated. "uh,… we fucked up."

"What are you talking about?" She marched to the other side of the room.

"The bachelor party, the whole night, things got out of control, and, eh, we lost Simon."

"What?" She thought she must be hearing things.

"We can't find Simon."

"What are you saying, Jace?" She almost screamed down the phone. "We're getting married in five hours!"

"Yeah," he said, looking around the deserted streets. "That's not gonna happen."


	2. Meeting the Guys

_**Haha, I didn't expect so many reviews in such a short space of time! Well, I hope Chapter 2 lives up to what you guys were expecting... If you're thinking, "two chapters in one day? Does she only write fanfiction because she have no friends?" I swear, I have friends! I can just multi-task...**_

* * *

**Two days earlier…**

The suit tailors were at Simon and Isabelle's house, fitting Alec and Simon for their suits for the big day.

"Woah, watch it pervert!" Alec yelled as the tailor ran the measuring tape down his thigh.

"It's okay, Alec," Simon said, admiring his suit in the mirror. "He's only doing your inseam."

"He's getting very close to my shaft," he protested. Alec always had, issues, getting close to men.

"It's all good," the old tailor said, "you can get changed now."

"Thanks, Floyd," said Simon, as he approached Alec. "Thank you very much."

"Simon," Alec said, after the tailor had left the room. "I was thinking, if you want to go to Vegas without me, then it's totally cool,"

"What you talking about?" asked Simon.

"You know," he said. "Eric's your buddy, and Jace invited himself, it's your bachelor party…"

"Come on, Alec," Simon laughed. "They love you."

"I don't want you to feel as if you have to hold back because your wife's brother is there."

"It's not like that…" Simon explained. "I already told you, Alec, okay? We're just spending the night in Vegas. No big deal. Besides, you're not just my wife's brother, you're my brother now."

"I want you to know, Simon, I'm a still trap," Alec said. "Whatever happens tonight, I will never ever ever speak a word of it."

"Okay," Simon nodded, but he knew he was going to be good, or Isabelle would kill him. "I don't think—"

"No, seriously," Alec said. The truth be told, he didn't want his sister marrying a vampire, and would do anything to get him off the scene. "I won't tell a soul."

"Okay," Simon nodded nervously. He didn't trust Alec one bit. "I understand."

* * *

"No, Robert," Simon gasped as his soon to be father in law opened the garage door, to revealing his prized possession; his open top vintage Mercedes-Benz. "Really?" He said, looking at him.

"C'mon," he laughed. "We're family now."

"Are you sure?" Simon asked, eyeing up the car. "I mean, you love this car!"

"For the love of the Angel, it's just a car," he chuckled again. "Just don't forget to put some Armour All on the tyres once you get there so the sand doesn't seep in."

"Absolutely," Simon nodded firmly. "That's easy."

"And, eh, don't let your friend Erik drive," Robert warned him. "There's something wrong with him."

"I know," Simon agreed.

"Or Jace either," he added. "He's got a reputation."

"I will be the only one driving this car," Simon assured him. "I promise."

"Remember, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas," Robert winked as he handed Simon the keys.

"Ahh!" Simon laughed.

"Apart from herpes," Robert looked deadly serious. "That will come back with you."

* * *

"Well hold on, hold on," Jace said to his students as they got up once the bell rang. "I still need some of your permission slips, and ninety dollars for the field trip to Idris next weekend. Pay now, or forever regret missing the experience of a life time!"

How had Jace ended up in a dead teaching end job at the Shadowhunting Academy like this? Two words: Pregnant. Cunt. That pregnant cunt was now his wife of six years, and not so pregnant anymore. She had him banned from Professional Shadowhunting, and then he knocked her up. It wasn't where he had planned to be at twenty five years old.

"Thanks," he said, as he took in the remaining permission slips. Little did the students know, that the ninety dollars they had handed in was going _straight_ to his trip to Vegas.

Running out of the school, he saw Simon and Eric (Simon's grubby little bum chum) parked outside the door in Robert Lightwood's prized possession Mercedes-Benz, Simon at the wheel of the car.

"Do we have to be so close?" Eric asked, looking away from the front of the school.

"What's wrong, Eric?" Simon asked as he thought about what creepy and totally illegal thing Eric might have done.

"I'm not supposed to be within two hundred feet of a school," he admitted.

"What?" Simon couldn't believe it.

"Or Chucky Cheese."

Simon sighed at him, and looked at him over his fancy black sunglasses.

Jace put on his brown sunglasses as soon as he slowed down to a walking pace.

"Hey, Mr Herondale," a plump boy with classes called after Jace as he got down the steps.

"Look, Nick," Jace continued walking half waving at him, although the boy was behind him. "I do not know you, you do not exist."

"Shit!" He laughed as he saw that Simon was driving Mr Lightwood's car. "Nice car. I'm driving." He said, throwing his teacher's briefcase in the back.

"No chance," Simon grinned, putting his hands on the wheel. "Don't step on the—"

He just didn't understand that Jace didn't _do_ doors, well, not if he didn't have to. He stepped up onto the side of the car, and plonked himself in the back. "Just shut up and drive before one of these nerds asks me a question," he said, and Simon turned the ignition on. "Who's this?" Jace asked, looking at Erik.

"My friend," Simon cringed.

"I've met you like four times," Eric looked almost disappointed.

"Oh yeah," Jace remembered. "How you doin', man?"

* * *

"Don't forget your deodorant," Alec's girlfriend Maia reminded him.

"Deodorant," he said, picking it out the medicine cabinet. "Check."

"And don't forget to _use_ it," she said. "I can totally tell, you have BO for at least three weeks afterwards if you don't use it."

"Using of the deodorant," he mimicked her patronising tone. "Got it."

"And make sure to call me _right_ when you get to the hotel, not like that conference in Phoenix. I had to wait for _two hours_ for you to call me."

"Yeah, I was the key note speaker." He shrugged his shoulders. "I was late for the podium."

"Well?" He said, leaning in to kiss her cheek.

She moved away immediately, pretending to get something from the fridge.

"What is the matter?" he asked.

"I don't know," she said, walking in to the living room of their house. "How do I know you're not going to go to some strip club when you get there?"

"We're going to Napa Valley," he lied. "I don't even think they have strip clubs in Wine Country."

"Well I'm sure if there is one, _Jace_ will sniff it out," she put down her coffee on the table.

"It's not going to be like that," he assured her. "Besides, you know how I feel about those kinds of things."

"I know, I know," she said. "It's just boys and their bachelor parties, it's gross."

"I know," he said, this time he _wasn't_ lying. "It is _gross_," He was gay, but he had convinced his family he was one hundred percent straight. The same they would have if they knew he was gay.

"Not to mention it's pathetic,"

"Uh huh," he nodded.

"Those places are filthy,"

He nodded again. It was one of those nods you give your mum when you just want her to shut the hell up.

"And the worst part is," she continued, "that little girl _grinding_ and _dry humping_ the fucking stage there?" Her teeth clenched. "That's somebody's daughter up there," she said, him repeating it, a word behind her.

"I was just going to say that!" He said.

"See," she said. "I just wish your friends were as mature as you."

"They are mature, actually," he stuck up for them. "You just have to get to know them better."

Mr Lightwood's car pulled up outside their house.

"Paging Doctor _Faggot_," Jace called from the car.

Alec couldn't meet Maia's 'I told you so' glare.

"Doctor _Faggot_!" he called again.

"…I should go," Alec finally said.

"That's a good idea, Dr Faggot," Maia agreed.

Alec laughed nervously. "Have a good weekend," he said. "I'll miss you," he said, leaning in to kiss her, but again, she jerked away. He awkwardly kissed her shoulder instead, and got up.

* * *

_**So, did it live up to your expectations? Hopefully I won't be long in uploading Chapter 3! And yes, I do understand that some of them have a complete personality change, but it was only so they could fit into the story!**_


	3. Blood Brothers!

_**So hey guys! I didn't expect to get through this as fast as I am to be honest! Thanks for reading and reviewing!**_

* * *

Driving down the motorway quickly, with the wind blowing through their hair gave the boys a rush, and hyped them up for spending the night in Vegas. Every five minutes, Eric would stand up in his seat and yell, "Road trip, yeah!" and whooped at people in their cars.

"Vegas, baby! Vegas!" He shouted while slapping the side of the car to a little blonde girl sitting in the back seat of a car. Instead of ignoring him, or telling him to fuck off, she put her words into her fingers, and gave him a rude hand gesture.

Usually, Eric would have said something back at her, or cried, but he just sat down and took it like a man.

"Come on, everyone is passing us." Jace whined, while sipping on his beer. "Let me drive!"

"No," Simon stayed firm. "I promised Robert I would be the only one driving this car. Besides, you're drinking."

"Oh what?" Jace moaned. "You think you're in the Clave now? I drive great when I'm drunk."

"That's true," Alec agreed. "Remember, Jace was always our designated drunk driver."

"You want to explain to them, Alec?" Simon said.

"My father loves this car more than he loves me," he admitted.

"Oh whatever," he flopped his hand. "I left my wife and kid at home so I could go with you guys to Vegas, do you know how difficult that was?" Jace lied. He loved his son, but he always had and always would hate his wife.

"That's really sweet, Jace," it brought a tear to Eric's eye to see how much Jace thought about his family.

"Yeah," Simon chipped in, almost mocking Eric.

"Dude, I was being sarcastic," he said. "I fucking hate my life! I may never go back. I might just stay in Vegas."

"Oh here we go," Simon sighed. They had heard this story _far_ too many times.

"You know what, Simon, you should enjoy yourself." Jace said. "Because you know what? You're going to start dying. A little bit. Every day."

"You know that's impossible," Simon grinned, showing his sharp canines. "Unless she sticks a stake through my heart."

"Yeah," Eric agreed, trying to live up to Jace's awesomeness. "That's why I have managed to stay single this whole time, you know?"

"Oh really?" Alec was never one to mock, but he couldn't help it. "That's why you're still single?"

"Yeah," Eric nodded, totally oblivious to the sarcasm in Alec's tone.

"Cool."

"Am I alright over there, Eric?" Simon asked.

"Yeah, you're good."

So Simon pulled over to the lane on the right, but little did he know, there was a huge truck in that lane, about to collide with him. He almost very nearly crashed into its side. He edged away chaotically, only to drive into the lane that was on his original left, and nearly collided with _that_ car.

"For the love of the Angel!" Jace hadn't had an adrenaline rush like that since his Shadowhunting days. His wife depressed the hell out of him.

"That was awesome!" Eric screamed as they all laughed in hysterics.

"That was not awesome!" Simon had nearly had a heart attack, although his heart didn't even beat anymore. "What is wrong with you?"

"That was insane!" Alec also, hadn't had an adrenaline rush like that since his Shadowhunting days. "We almost crashed!"

"You should have seen your face!" Eric said to Simon. "It was classic."

"It _was_ funny," Jace laughed.

"It was _not_ funny," Simon had finally steadied the wheel, and felt comfortable driving again.

* * *

They pulled up for gas, and Eric had been left in charge of the pump as the rest of them went inside to pay. Eric thought this would be the ideal opportunity to read his book, when an old man wolf whistled at the car.

"You've got a sweet ride there," he said.

"Don't touch it," Eric said, without lifting his eyes from his book. "Don't even look at it," he said, looking up from his book to stare the old man in the eyes. "Go on. Get out."

The old man walked back to his car, murmuring to himself about how disrespectful the younger generation was of their elders.

"Don't look at me either," he said. "Yeah, you_ better_ walk on."

"He's actually kind of funny," Jace said to Alec as he ate a crisp, as they queued to buy snacks.

"Yeah, he means well." Simon had a habit of sticking up for Eric.

"Yeah, I'll hit an old man in public," they heard Eric say in the distance.

"Is he all right up there?" Jace asked. "Like, mentally?"

"I think so," Simon said. "He's just an odd guy. He's kind of weird."

"Should we be worried?"

"No," Simon laughed lightly.

"Oh, okay."

"I should mention that you should never let him gamble. Or drink too much."

"Jesus, he's like a gremlin!" Jace said as he pulled his wallet out his pocket. "Comes with instructions and shit."

"And one water," Alec placed the bottle on the counter.

"All good with Maia?" Simon asked.

"Oh yeah," Alec said. "Told her we're two hours outside the Wine Country, and she bought it."

"Don't you think it's strange that you've been in a relationship for three years and still have to lie about going to Vegas?" Jace leaned against the counter.

"Yeah I do," Alec clenched his teeth. "But trust me, it's not worth the fight."

"Oh, so you can't go to Vegas, but she can fuck a bellhop on a cruise line?"

Alec looked down at his feet, before plucking up the courage to confront Jace. "Look, first of all, he was a bartender, and his name was Jordan," he set him straight. "And she was wasted. And, if you must know, he didn't even cum inside her."

"And you believe that?" Jace looked down, or up because Alec was taller than him, his sunglasses at him.

"Uh, yeah, I _do_ believe that because she's grossed out by semen." Alec really wasn't too bothered, because he didn't love Maia one bit.

"That will be thirty two fifty," the cashier said to them.

"It's thirty two fifty, come on," Jace said. "I've to pay for it?"

* * *

Once back in the car, Eric started to read his gambling book again. "It says here we should work in teams," he said. "Who wants to be my spotter?"

"I don't think you should be doing too much gambling tonight, Eric," said Simon.

"Gambling? Who said anything about gambling? It's not gambling when you know how you're gonna win. Counting cards is a full proof system."

"It's also illegal," Alec pointed out.

"It's not illegal, it's frowned upon," Eric said. "It's like masturbating on an airplane."

"I'm pretty sure that's illegal too," Jace laughed. Something about the laugh told them he only knew too well.

"Yeah, maybe after nine eleven after everyone got so sensitive." Eric agreed with that one. "Thanks a lot, bin Laden."

"Either way, you've got to be super smart to count cards, buddy," Simon pointed out. "Okay?"

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, it's not easy."

"Oh okay, well maybe we should tell that to Ray Man because he practically bankrupt the casino and he was a re-tard," he pronounced retard, collapsing the ee in the pronounciation.

"A what?" They asked.

"You know," he said. "A retard."

"A retard," Jace said, pronouncing it properly, while laughing.

* * *

They arrived at Caesar's Palace as darkness had hit Vegas, the city illuminated in lights and just coming to life. They parked the car in front of the hotel, took the luggage out the back, and gave the key to an usher to take it away.

"Hi, welcome to Caesar's," said the pretty half Asian blacked haired petite girl at the desk, whose name appeared to be Aline. "Are you checking in?"

"Eh, yeah," Jace said, rubbing his hands together with excitement.

"We have a reservation under Dr Lightwood," Alec said.

"Let me look that up for you," she said, typing in the details into the computer.

"Dr Lightwood?" Jace asked. "Alec, you're a dentist."

Alec looked away, like he hadn't heard him.

"Don't get too fancy," said Jace.

"It's not fancy if it's true," Alec smirked, and smiled at Aline, who looked up at this point.

"He's a dentist," Jace said to her. "Don't get too excited. And, if someone has a heart attack, you should still call 911."

"We'll be sure to do that," Aline's mouth parted into the fake smile that hotel receptionists must have.

"Can I ask you a question?" Eric asked Aline. "Do you know if the hotel is pager-friendly?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not getting a signal on my beeper," he showed her.

"I'm not sure," she said.

"Is there a payphone bank? A bunch of payphones? Business."

"Um," she looked at him oddly. "There's a phone in your room."

He nodded. "That will work."

"So I have you in a two bedroom suite on the twelfth floor, is that okay?"

"That's perfect," said Alec.

"Actually," Jace stopped him. "I was wondering if you had any villas available."

Everyone looked at Jace as if he was made.

"Jace," Alec spoke up. "We're hardly gonna be in the room. It's no big deal, we can share beds. It's one night." It _would_ be the gay man who would suggest that, wouldn't it?

"Well, if we're sharing beds, I'm bunking with Jace," Eric said. "You good with that?"

"No!" He turned round to look at him. "I'm _not_ good with that. You're not sharing beds. We're not twelve years old! Aline, I apologise. How much is the villa?"

"Well, we have one villa available, and it's forty two hundred for the night."

"Is it awesome?" Eric asked.

"It's pretty awesome."

"We'll take it," Jace said. "Give her your credit card, Alec."

"I can't give her my credit card."

"We'll split it," Simon said, taking out his wallet.

"Are you crazy?" Jace looked to Simon. "No, this is on us."

Alec looked around, shiftily. "You don't get it. Maia checks my statements."

"Well we just need a credit card on file," Aline added. "We won't charge you anything until you check out, so you can figure it out until then."

"Perfect," said Jace. "That's perfect. Thank you, Aline. We'll deal with it tomorrow, come on."

"Fine," Alec said reluctantly, and pulled his credit card from his wallet.

"Can I ask you another question?" Said Eric.

"Sure," she said.

"You probably get this a lot. This isn't the real Caesar's Palace, is it?"

"What do you mean?" She asked, with a blank expression.

"Um," he stuttered. "Did Caesar live here?"

"Eh, no,"

"I didn't think so," he said, his tone sounding like he had achieved something.

* * *

The room they were staying in was definitely awesome. To sum it up, it had marble floors, fancy furniture, and a great view of the city.

"Holy shit!" Jace laughed as he walked into the villa. "Now, this is Vegas!"

"Oh my," Alec couldn't believe what he was seeing. "This place is enormous! Now we're talking,"

"Is this place all one suite?" This villa was three times the size of the house he had grown up in. "Thank you guys. Or should I say, thank you Alec."

"You're welcome," Alec couldn't quite take his eyes from the view. "It's only 'cause I love you."

"Okay ladies," Jace couldn't take his eyes from the view either. "Pick a room, get dressed, meet in thirty minutes."

* * *

"I just wish you could see this place because _you_, of all people, would love it," Alec said to Maia on the phone as he towel dried his black hair once he was out the shower.

"Is it cute?" She asked.

"Yeah, it's so quaint," he said, opening the curtains of his window with a remote.

"Really secluded?"

"Yeah, no TVs, no phones, they just have these cute little antique radios in all the rooms."

Simon and Jace walked in his room, all dressed in suits, ready to go out.

"We met the proprietor," he said to the phone.

"What's his name?" She asked.

"What's his name?" He asked as Jace made himself comfortable on the bed, and turned on the TV. "Um, Caesar Polache."

"Like the salad?"

"Yeah, like the salad." He said, as Jace pointed to the watch on his wrist.

"We're going to head to this wine tasting," Alec said quickly, cutting off whatever Maia had been saying before. "Yeah, we gotta go. I love you. Bye!" And he hung up without a response.

"Where's Eric?" Alec asked as he strapped on his watch.

"He went downstairs, said he had to grab a few things," said Simon, his expression telling that he had no clue what these few things were.

"Good," Alec said. "Because I have something to show you." He pulled an engagement ring box from the side drawer next to the bed and showed them.

"Oh oh!" Simon said, as he took the ring from Alec to examine it.

"What the hell is that?" Jace asked, his facial features completely straight.

"What do you think it is?" Alec said.

"Oh wow," Simon said as he looked at it more closely.

"If it's what I think it is, I think it's a big fucking mistake."

"I'm going to propose to Maia at your wedding," Alec grinned. On the exterior, he remained excited, but on the inside, he knew he would regret it, but had to because he didn't want his family to be disappointed. "After the ceremony." Jace sighed in defeat.

"Alec, congratulations!" Simon couldn't have been happier for Alec.

"Thank you Simon," Alec said as he started to get changed.

"That's a beautiful ring," Simon examined.

"Yeah, it's my grandmother's. She made it the whole way through the Uprising with that thing. It's legit'."

"Wait, have you not listened to anything I've ever said?" Jace didn't want his best friend to end up in the same situation he had.

"Jace, we've been dating for three years. It's time, this is how it works."

"A, that is bullshit," he protested, "and B, she's a bitch!"

"That's his fiancé!" Simon slapped Jace's foot.

"It's true!" He stood up. "You know it's true! She beats him!"

"That was twice," he didn't want to seem less manly in front of Jace. "And I was out of line. She's strong willed, and I respect that."

"Wow," Jace laughed and shook his head. "Wow. Wow. He's in denial, not to mention she fucked a sailor!"

Alec sprayed on his deodorant instead of rising to Jace's level.

"He was a bartender on a cruise ship, you know that," said Simon.

"Guys, I'm standing right here. I can hear everything. Just saying."

"Hey guys," everyone turned round to see skinny little Eric wearing white flared trousers, with a grubby blue t-shirt tucked into it, and he was carrying a white carrier bag. "You ready to let the dogs out?"

"What?"

"You know, let the dogs out. Who let the dogs out?" He almost sang. "Who? Who, who who?"

"Who brought this guy along?" Jace couldn't believe his eyes, or ears.

"Yes, Eric, we are ready to let the dogs out," said Simon. "Hey, congrats," he said to Alec.

"Thank you!" Alec grinned.

* * *

As they stood, waiting for an elevator to come up, Jace noticed Eric was wearing some strange kind of man bag.

"You're not really wearing that, are you?" He asked.

"Wearing what?"

"The man purse." He pointed to it. "You're actually going to wear that? You guys are just fucking with me."

"It's where I keep all my things," Eric looked at them all. "I get a lot of compliments from this. It's not a man purse, it's called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one."

"So does Joy Behar," Jace laughed, as the doors for the lift opened, revealing a Latin looking man with a thick moustache kneeling in front of a pretty blonde babe. He stood up as the doors opened.

"We're going up, guys," the guy said.

"Yeah, that's perfect," Jace said, ushering the rest of them into the lift.

"Really?" Simon asked. "We're going up?"

* * *

"I'm just saying, it's clearly marked, okay?" said Alec as they stepped out the fire exit door onto the roof of the hotel. "We're definitely not supposed to be up on here."

"C'mon, Alec, we're paying for a villa," Jace threw his arms in the air. "We can do what ever the fuck we want."

"Yeah, but—"

"Just prop the door open." He said, eyeing up the step ladder. "Guys, come on up here."

"How the hell did you find this place?" Asked Simon.

"Don't worry about it," he said, finally at the top.

"Look at the view up here!" Simon exclaimed.

"Are you happy?" Jace asked, pulling Simon in for a man hug. They had really bonded over the past few years.

"Thanks, bro," he returned the hug. "Eric, how you doin' buddy?"

"Great," he said as he danced over with the alcoholic beverages.

"Look at that over there, Eric," said Simon, "that's the Eiffel Tower."

Eric handed each of the guys a shot glass.

"Nice call, buddy!" They all said.

"This is good," said Alec. "I would like to make a toast, to Simon and Isabelle. May tonight be but a minor speed bump, in an otherwise very long and healthy marriage." They all raised their shot glasses together, and then drank them while saying cheers.

"I'd like to talk about something," said Jace. "I'd like to—" he started, but Eric said the same words over him at the same time.

"I'd like to say something," said Eric. "That I've prepared. Tonight."

"Right, okay Eric," said Simon.

Eric pulled out a sheet of paper, and began to read. "Hello." He said. "How about that ride in? I guess that's why they call it Sin City. Ha ha. You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself, as a one man wolf pack. But when Simon became my friend, I knew he was one of my own." Jace and Alec nudged him at the side, making him blush ever more. "And my wolf pack, it grew by one. So there were, so there were two of us in the wolf pack. I was alone first in the pack, and then Simon joined in later. So six months ago, when Simon introduced me to you guys, I thought, wait a second, could it be? And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack." They all laughed. Even Simon, who was rather insulted to being in a wolf pack. "Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast," Eric said, bring out a knife to his palm.

"What have you got there?" Simon asked, but it was too late. Eric had cut the meaty bit of his palm, blood pouring out thickly. Simon lurched towards him, teeth bared, only to be restrained by Jace and Alec. Once they caught him, he immediately realised what he was doing, and came back to consciousness. The best thing was, Eric hadn't even seemed to notice.

"We're blood brothers," he said.

"Eric, no," Simon said, inhaling the scent of his blood.

"Eric, we're not going to cut ourselves," Jace said, taking the knife off of him. "Give me the knife.

Eric handed it over without any fuss, and sucked the blood away from his hand.

"Do you need a doctor?" Asked Alec.

"He's fine," Simon breathed. He just didn't know if _he_ was.

"I'm good," said Eric.

"Perfect," Jace said. "Eric, come here buddy. Come here crazy. To a night, the four of us will never forget," Jace toasted, and they all raised their glasses.

* * *

_**Yay, so now one more person is eliminated, can you guess who all the remaining characters will be played by? Review and let me know!**_


	4. One Guy in, One Guy Out

_**Yay, Chapter 4 is here! Some people had problems getting onto chapter 3, is that problem resolved now? Thanks for reading and reviewing guys!  
**_

* * *

Alec was the first to awaken, of the four. He was lying on the marble floor, his face in a puddle of his own drool. He just lay there, lying around, trying to figure out what had happened the night before, before he stood up slowly. The chicken clucking in front of him didn't even surprise him, to be honest.

Standing upright, he turned round and round, unbalanced, and looked around the room. What he was seeing, he couldn't even put into words. The room was a tip. Alec lay down on the little grey couch, closed his eyes, and let the pain of the hangover take over him.

Eric had crashed at the bar, and he awoke just as Alec sat down. He stood up, but lost his balance and fell backwards onto a champagne bucket, toppling onto the marble floor.

Alec opened his eyes immediately, and sat up and watched Eric sit back up, and walk away from the bar.

Eric walked down the corridor, tripping over the chicken, where Jace had obviously crashed. He was lying, face down on the marble, lying on a bed sheet, while wearing jeans, but no top. Eric noticed fancy black tattoos on his back, and made a mental note to ask Jace where he got them done, because he totally wanted some!

He staggered in to the bathroom, which was untouched, compared to the rest of the villa, and used the lavvy. A rumbling roar came from the right, but at first he ignored it. Once comprehending that something was growling, he turned round, to see a tiger in the middle of the bathroom. Eric didn't react as any normal human being would; instead he rotated round, still peeing, but on the floor instead of in the bowl.

The tiger let out another threatening growl, staring Eric directly in the eye. Again, Eric didn't seem affected at all, and turned back round, peeing _in_ the bowl. The tiger snarled again, and for some reason, this made Eric realise he was in deep shit. He pressed his back against the wall and screamed like a sissy, and ran out the room, tripping over Jace as he ran.

"Control yourself, man," Jace said, sitting up and putting his hands over his eyes. "Hey dude, put on some pants!"

"Do _not_ go in the bathroom!" Eric screamed.

"Woah, calm down."

"Jace," Eric yelled even louder. "There is a tiger, in the bathroom!"

"What's going on?" Alec looked disorientated.

"There's a jungle cat in the bathroom!"

"I'll check, I'll check," Jace said, standing up, trying to calm Eric down.

"Be careful!"

Jace opened the door with no hesitancy whatsoever, but when he took a look at what was inside the bathroom, he couldn't close the door fast enough. "Holy fuck, he's not kidding! There's a tiger in there," he laughed.

Alec, who was still not very aware of where he was said, "No…there isn't," weakly.

"It's gigantic!" Eric yelled, laughing insanely.

"You okay, buddy?" Jace sat down with Alec.

"No," he replied steadying his hands on his knees. "I am in so much pain right now."

"God, damn!" Jace exclaimed, putting his blue shirt back on. "Look at this place." He sat down, not quite believing what he was seeing.

"I know," Alec said. "Jace, they have my credit card down. Seriously, I am so screwed."

"How does a tiger get in the bathroom?" Eric was pacing up and down the corridor in excitement. "I mean, it nearly killed me!"

"Hey, bro, do you want to put on some pants? It feels a little weird having to ask twice."

"Pants at a time like this?" He said, looking frantically around him. "I don't even have any pants," he said, coincidently pulling on a pair of pants.

"What the fuck happened last night?" Jace asked Alec.

"Hey, Jace, am I missing a tooth?" Alec asked, baring his teeth at Jace.

"Holy shit!" Jace laughed, making Alec crap himself.

Alec picked up a silver platter, and looked in the mirror to see that in fact, one of his right incisors were gone. "For the love of the Angel! My lateral incisor, it's gone!"

"Okay, okay, we just need to calm down," said Jace, grinning like a maniac. "Everything is fine. Eric, go wake up Simon. Let's just go get some coffee, and get the fuck out of here before housekeeping shows."

"What am I going to tell Maia?" Alec panicked. "I have lost a tooth and have no idea how it happened."

"Quit it, you're freaking me out." Said Jace, taking a sip of a stale beer. "I've got a massive headache, just calm down."

"How am I meant to calm down?" Alec was on the verge of crying. "Look around you!"

"Hey guys," Eric came in the living space. "He's not in there."

"Did you check all the rooms?" Jace asked, looking around.

"Yeah, I looked everywhere. Plus, his mattress is gone."

"He probably went to the pool to get something to eat," Jace pulled his phone out his pocket. "I'll call him."

"I look like a nerdy hillbilly!" Alec said faintly, looking in the reflective platter.

Once the number was dialled, the sound of Simon's ring tone came from the bar. Eric picked up the phone and answered.

"Hello?" He said.

"Eric," Jace looked at him, but he was looking out the window, as people do when they are on the phone.

"Hey,"

"It's Jace,"

"Oh hey Jace," he said, hanging up. "This is Simon's phone."

"No shit?"

Out of nowhere, a baby's cry sang out for it's mother.

"What the _fuck_ is that?" Alec looked at Jace with his serious face on.

* * *

Eric opened a cupboard door, to find a baby lying in blue sheets.

"Who's fucking baby is that?" Jace said in despair.

"Eric, are you sure you didn't see anyone else in the suite?" Alec looked from the baby to Eric.

"Yeah, I checked all the rooms! No one's here! Check it's collar or something!"

Alec hushed the baby with his best efforts as he kneeled down to inspect him. "Who's a cute baby?"

"Alec, we don't have time for this!" Jace looked away from the cupboard. "Let's just go hook up with Simon, we'll deal with the baby later."

"Jace, we're not going to leave a baby in the room! There's a fucking tiger in the bathroom!"

"It's not our baby," Jace shrugged.

"Yeah, I'm with Alec on this one." Eric said.

"Alright, fine. We'll take the baby with us. Can you at least just find some pants?"

* * *

_**Does this make any of your theories of the future characters any different now? Let me know!**_


	5. Will We Ever Find Simon?

_**Sorry I took so long to upload again, I've been trying to catch up with my other fanfiction, and I was out all weekend! Thank you to everyone who rated and reviewed!**_

* * *

Eric had found some kind of strap on this to wear with the baby (don't take it that way guys, seriously, it's not even funny [okay, I guess you can laugh, just once]), and Alec was holding some kind of ice cloth to his tooth as they all were in the lift.

"Why can't we remember a Forsaken thing from last night?" Alec threw his arms out in exasperation.

"Because, we obviously had a great fucking time," Jace sniffed, leaning onto the back of the elevator shaft. "Why don't you just stop worrying for one minute? Be proud of yourself."

The elevator shaft opened, revealing a middle aged looking woman, with grey streaked hair and blue eyes. She smiled at the guys as she got in the lift. "Oh how cute," she said. "What's his name?"

A moment passed where no one said anything. "Uh, Ben," Jace said. The woman looked at Jace, and wouldn't take her eyes off his shoulder.

"Carlos," said Eric, looking at Jace, then back at the doors.

"Carlos?" Jace asked.

"Herondale," the old woman breathed, and reached out to Jace's shoulder. His star shaped scar was on show.

"What?" Jace looked at her, alertly. "That's my second name, yes."

"Stephen," she said softly, putting both hands on his shoulders.

"No, that was my father." Jace said, lifting her hands away. "Who are you? Were you a friend of his?"

"I'm Amatis," she said. "I knew your father, rather well."

* * *

"Hey Jace, look," Eric said, playing with Carlos's arm, to make it look like he was wanking. "He's jacking his little wenis," he giggled.

"Pull yourself together, man," Jace laughed, sipping on his orange juice. They were down at the pool for their breakfast.

"Not at the table, Carlos," Eric laughed.

"I looked everywhere," Alec said, coming back from the table after his hunt for Simon. "The gym, the casino, the front desk. No one's seen Simon. He's not here."

"He's fine, he's a grown man," said Jace, handing Alec an orange juice. "Seriously, Alec, you've got to calm down. Here, have some juice."

Spontaneously, Alec barfed to the side of the table. "I'm so sorry."

"Right, let's just track this thing," Jace grabbed a pen and paper. "What's the last thing we remember doing?"

"The last thing was, we were on the roof," Eric said, somehow trying to shove the ends of his sunglasses into his eyes. "And we were having shots of Jäger."

Alec retched and coughed, oh dear.

"Then we ate dinner, right?" Asked Jace.

"Yeah, then we played craps at the Hard Rock Café," said Eric, "and I _think_ Simon was there."

"That sounds right," Jace said, sipping on a coffee now. "He definitely was."

"You know what guys?" Alec said. "I don't even remember going to dinner."

"I know," said Jace, throwing down his coffee. "I don't think I've ever been this hungover."

"After the Hard Rock I passed out, and it's like emptiness," Eric laughed idiotically.

"We have up until ten p.m.," Jace said, reading over the bit of paper. "That gives us a twelve hour window where we could have lost him."

"What is this?" Eric asked, taking something that looked like old, chewed chewing gum from his pocket.

"For the love of the Angel!" Alec said, reaching out to take it. "That's my tooth! Why do you have that? What else is in your pocket?"

"That's a good thing," said Jace, sparking on an idea. "Check your pockets, check your pockets. Got anything?"

Alec pulled out loose change, and a little bit of paper. "I have an ATM receipt from the Bolagio." He said. "Eleven oh five, for EIGHT HUNDRED DOLLARS!" He almost yelled. "I am so fucked!"

"I have a valet ticket for Caesar's." Eric said. "Looks like we got in at five fifteen a.m."

"Oh shit, we drove last night?" Jace put his face into his palms.

Eric laughed. "We were driving drunk, classic."

Alec pretended to laugh.

"What's on your arm?" Eric asked, pointing to the yellow band round Jace's wrist.

Jace read the yellow band on his arm. "What the fuck?"

"Angel Raziel!" Alec said, taking Jace's wrist. "Jace, you were in the hospital last night!"

"I guess so, yeah." Said Jace.

"You okay?" Asked Eric.

"Yeah, Eric, I'm fine," he said.

"What the hell is going on?" Alec said.

"Alec, Alec, this is a good thing!" Jace said. "We have a lead now."

"Hey Alec, watch this," Eric said, making poor Carlos look like he was wanking again.

"Eric," Alec said, looking totally unimpressed. "Not cool."

* * *

"Eh, so, are you sure you're qualified to be taking care of that baby?" Alec asked, as they waited for the car to come round.

"What you talking about?" Eric asked. "I've found a baby before."

"You found a baby before?"

"Yeah," he nodded.

"Where?"

"Outside the Coffee Bean."

Alec blinked. "Wait, what?"

"Hey Jace?" Eric said. "I don't think Simon would want us to take the Mercedes.

"Relax, we'll be careful," he said.

"My dad is crazy about that car, and he left Simon in charge,"

"Eric, we've got bigger problems here. Simon could be in the hospital, he could be hurt, okay? That's why we can worry about the car later."

"Uh, guys," said Alec, pointing at something on the roof. "Check it out."

They turned round to see a king sized mattress sliced though the middle and wedged through a statue on the wall."

"Is that the mattress from Simon's room?" Eric asked.

"What the fuck,"

"Hey, what's going on here?" Jace asked a guy, loading luggage into a car.

"Some asshole threw his bed out the window," he said.

"No shit," Jace said quietly, still looking at the mattress.

"Yeah," he said. "Some guys just can't handle Vegas."

Alec pretended to laugh again, "Oh Angel," he said.

"It's gonna be alright, Alec," Jace said, patting him on the back. "How the hell did we manage that?"

A police car pulled up in front of them. "Here's your car, officers," said the valet, getting out of the car.

"Eh," Alec said.

"Alright everybody, act cool." Said Jace. "Don't say a word. Come on, let's just get ready to go. Alec have you got a five?" Jace asked, as they got into the car.

"No," he said.

"I'll get you on the way out," Jace said to the valet.

"Thank you sir,"

Alec opened the passenger seat, and Eric's seat, and whacked Carlos's head with the car door. Carlos started crying immediately.

"For the love of the Angel!" Alec cried. "You just nailed the baby!"

"Are my glasses okay?" Eric asked.

"Your glasses are fine, dick."

* * *

The traffic was not good. Not good at all. Jace kept beeping the horn impatiently.

"This is so illegal," said Alec.

"Can't you see the fun part in anything?" said Jace, sipping his coffee.

"Yeah, we're stuck in traffic, in a stolen police car, with a sure to be missing child in the backseat." he said. "Which part of this is fun?"

"I think the cop car part is pretty cool," said Eric.

"Thank you, Eric," said Jace. "It is cool. Simon would love it!" He beeped the horn twice. "Come on!" He shouted out the window. "Check this out," he said, turning on the police siren, and driving on the pavement.

"Oh no, Jace, no!" Alec yelled. "Jace, don't do this!" Like Jace would listen?

"Take it easy," Jace grinned.

"Don't draw any more attention to us!"

"Attention, attention," said Jace through the police megaphone. "Move out, of the way. I repeat, please disperse."

"Jace, stop, I want to get out, I want to get out," Alec freaked.

"Ma'am, in the leopard dress," said Jace, to a blonde slut crossing in front of them, ignoring Alec. "You have an amazing rack." This made Eric laugh.

"Get off the sidewalk, get off the sidewalk," Alec yelled at all the pedestrians.

"I should have been a fucking cop," said Jace.

* * *

_**I'm narrowing everything down slowly. Theories on who will be who anyone? Let me know! Until chapter 6, see ya!**_


	6. Crazy MoFo's!

_**Felt like writing Chapter 6, so I just did it! Probably won't be writing another chapter of this until I have updated on my other fanfiction, but hopefully that won't be too long!**_

* * *

"Look, I already told you," said Doctor Starkweather. "You came in here with a mild concussion, with some bruised ribs, no big deal. Although, none of you could articulate how it happened."

"Do you remember how many of us were here?" Jace asked, as the thin, with glasses, and grey streak-haired doctor tapped his old patient's knee, and pressed down those fancy medical lollypop sticks down on his tongue. "I dunno, I think it was just you guys, definitely no baby. And one other guy."

"That's our guy!" said Alec. "Was he okay?"

"Yeah, he was fine," the doctor said, as he pulled on his latex gloves. "Just whacked out of his mind; you all were." He took the patients wrists slowly, and helped him up. "Alright, come forward. And turn." The patient obeyed. Doctor Starkweather pulled down the patients briefs, unexpectedly, revealing his lardy, wrinkly arse.

The guys turned round in disgust immediately, apart from Eric.

"And cough," said the doctor. The patient was obedient, and coughed. "Cough." He said again, and the patient didn't fail to obey. Eric just sat, watching in disgust. "Cough. Give me one more. Alright," he said, pulling the patients pants back up. "That's a boy! Okay, Felix, you can put your robe on, and the nurse will be here in a minute," he said, handing Felix his robe. "I'll see you after the weekend."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," said Felix, nodding, and standing up. The doctor shook his head at the three of them, implying that the poor old guy wouldn't make it past the weekend.

"Guys, I've really got to go, I'm sorry," Doctor Starkweather said, pulling off the gloves and washing his hands. "I have surgery up on the fourth floor."

"We just need a couple of minutes of your time," Jace said, blocking the door, holding a hundred dollar bill in his hand.

"Yeah," said the doctor, looking at the money. "Just tuck it right in there," he said, indicating to his pocket. "I don't want to resterilise. Walk with me."

* * *

"Okay, here we go," Doctor Starkweather said as the four of them walked down the hall, looking at a patient record. "Patient Name: Jonathon Christopher Herondale, two forty five a.m. arrival, minor concussion, like I said, some bruising, pretty standard,"

"You mind if I take a look?" Alec said, looking at the doctor's file. "I'm actually a doctor."

"Yeah," he said. "You said that several times last night, but really, you're just a dentist."

Alec looked away in embarrassment.

"Okay, this is interesting," the doctor flipped one of the pages. "Your blood work came in this morning."

"Wow." Said Jace.

"They found a large amount of Ruphylin in your system."

Jace looked puzzled.

"Ruphylin. Roofies." Hodge had had enough. "Commonly known as the date rape drug."

"What, so what are you saying?" Jace laughed in denial. "I was raped last night?"

"Actually…" the doctor said, scanning his notes. "I don't think so. But, someone did slip you the drug. I'm not surprised you don't remember anything."

Eric chuckled. "Doc, none of us can remember anything from last night. Remember?" Hodge just gave him a strange look.

"Yeah," said Jace. "How could someone have drugged all of us?"

"Look, I wouldn't worry about it," Doctor Starkweather said. "By now the stuff's out of your system. You're gonna be fine. I have to go."

"Wait wait wait!" Alec stopped him. "Please, doctor, is there anything else? Like something we may have been talking about, or some place we were going?"

Hodge shook his head. "Well, actually, there was something." He said. "You guys kept talking about some wedding last night."

"Yeah, no shit. Our buddy Simon's getting married tomorrow." Said Alec.

"You know what? I want the hundred back." Jace said, reaching into the doctor's pocket.

"No, no, no, easy," said Hodge. "You kept talking about some wedding you just came from. At the, uh, Best Little Chapel. You guys kept on saying how sick the wedding was, and getting all crazy about it. Okay, I hope this helps, fellas. I really have to leave."

"The Best Little Chapel," Jace said, writing it down. "Do you know where that is?"

"I do," said Hodge. "It's at the corner of Get A Map, and Fuck Off. I'm a doctor, not a tour guide. Figure it out yourself, okay? You're big boys."

* * *

They pulled up at the Little Best Chapel in their stolen police car, and got out the car quickly.

"What about the baby?" Said Eric.

"Just leave him in the car," said Jace. "We're only gonna be five minutes."

"Whoa," said Alec. "We're not leaving a baby in the car."

"He'll be fine," said Jace. "I cracked the window."

"What if they don't remember us?" Said Alec, as they stepped inside.

"Well, let's just find out," Jace said. "Excuse me sir," he said, as he caught sight of a blonde man, with black, fathomless eyes, instructing a petite, curly red head as she hung up decorations. "Hi."

The man turned round, laughing, opening his arms out for a hug. "Look at these guys!" He said. "What happened? Did you miss me? You missed Jonathon? You want more from me?" He said, wrapping his arms around Jace. "How are you, my friend? Look at this guy!" He said, grabbing hold of Eric's sad excuse for a beard. "You're fucking crazy! What's going on man?" He finally looked to Alec. "Listen, I'm gonna tell you something," he said. "I've known some sick people in my life. This guy is the craziest, wildest bastard I have ever met in my life, man!"

"Who?" Jace spluttered. "_This_ guy?"

"This guy is out of his mind!" Jonathon laughed, hugging Alec. "What's going on you fucking crazy motherfucker? I thought he was going to eat my dick!"

Jace was taken a back.

"What happened?" Jonathon asked Alec. "No love for Jonathon? You won't hug me?"

"No, no," Alec chuckled nervously. "It's not that, Jonathon. Uh, it's just that we're having a hard time remembering what happened here last night."

"Yeah, was there a wedding here?" Asked Eric. "Do you do weddings here?"

Jonathon just laughed. "You are cracking my balls, man!"

"Jonathon, obviously we were here last night," said Jace. "We're looking for our friend Simon. Do you remember him?"

"Yeah, the small guy," he said. "Like a monkey."

"Yeah," they said.

"You saw him?" Asked Alec, with a hint of hope in his tone.

"Of course,"

"Is there anything you can tell us about what may have happened last night?" Alec almost begged.

"You don't remember anything?" Jonathan looked at them all, expecting one of them to say they were kidding.

Jonathon pulled out a photo album, revealing the wedding photos of Alec, and some handsome, half Asian looking guy, with colourful, sparkly hair. Alec groaned, the minute he saw them.

"Congratulations, Alec," said Eric. "You got married!"

"This, this can't be happening," Alec said, picking up the album with a disgusted looking expression. "For the love of the Angel, look at that!" Alec said, looking at a photo with him gripping the guy's glittered jeans covered crotch, sticking his tongue out, while the other three guys looked totally disorientated. Alec groaned again, stepping away from the album as if it was poison.

Jace continued to look through the album, contently. "I'll tell you one thing man," Jace said. "You look seriously happy here."

"That's it!" Alec groaned. "My life is over!"

"Alec, look," Jace said. "It's okay. Shit happens. Come on, Maia is not going to know anything about this. This never happened. I'll take care of it."

"Come on, put it here," said Jonathon, to the petite red head carrying two large boxes, Jace now recognised as Clary, his ex girlfriend, who he had left for his present wife, and was going to be a bridesmaid at Isabelle's wedding. He knew she had moved to Vegas, but didn't know this was where she worked, and that she had hooked up with her _brother_.

"Hey, what's all that?" Eric asked.

"The High Roller package," said Jonathon. "It's what you guys ordered. I have coffee mugs,"

"What?" Said Alec, putting his hands on his neck.

"You have baseball caps, huh?" Jonathon pulled out the baseball caps and mugs, with the photo of the happy couple on the front. "And fancy calendars, all with pictures of Alec and Magnus!"

"His name is _Magnus_?" Jace couldn't help himself from laughing this time.

"Yeah, and he's very handsome," said Jonathon, not feeling like a poof in the slightest. "Clean, very tight, balls like that," he motioned to, well, his balls. "But that's because he had a baby," was Jonathon unsure of Reproduction? Well, he was with his sister, after all.

"That explains the baby," said Jace.

"Oh Carlos, Carlos," said Eric, putting on one of the Malec baseball caps.

"Great, alright." Jace felt like they were finally achieving something. "Uh, here's the deal. We made a mistake last night. We need to make this marriage annulled immediately. You do annulments?"

"Of course I do annulments," said Jonathon. "It breaks my heart, and it's gonna make me very sad, but it's no problem. I'll make a very good price for you. I can't do it with just him, though. I need the dude. I need both parties."

"Oh, not a problem. That's great." Jace grinned. "Isn't that great, Alec? Come on buddy, and he probably knows where Simon is. Awesome."

At this point, Alec was being completely selfish. He didn't care about Simon, but was Jace really this ready to accept he was gay? Could he finally come clean?

"Alright, okay," said Jace. "Uh… we need his address. He must have filled out some paperwork, right?"

"Of course," Jonathon seemed happy to help. "Hey, excuse me." He said to Clary. "What is the matter with you? Go get the paperwork, man. I spend myself waiting for you. Come on."

"Okay, I'm going," she said, rolling her eyes, and going through the back.

"And get the baklava, please," he called after her.

* * *

They left the place moments later, with the two boxes, and Magnus's address.

"Hey, Jace," said Alec. "What about my dad's car?"

"I'm sure Simon has it," said Jace. "We'll get it back."

"Then I vote we torch the cop car and all this shit with it," said Alec.

"Torch it? Who are you?" Jace put the boxes in the trunk.

"I don't know, Jace," Alec said. "Apparently I'm a guy who marries complete strangers. This whole situation is completely fucked. These mugs," he threw them all on the ground. "This hat," he pulled Eric's hat off and flung it on the ground, with Eric squealing. "This car! It's all evidence of a night that never happened! That's why we're torching all of it!"

"Woah," said Jace, calming Alec down. "I'm a schoolteacher, I got a family, okay? I'm all for secrecy, but I'm not gonna torch a fucking cop car."

"Fine, I'll do it," said Alec.

"Can I help?" Eric chirped in.

"Yeah, thanks."

An unidentified mobile phone rang. "Shit, is it Simon?" Asked Jace. "I don't have it."

Alec was the one with the ringing phone. "Uh, it's Maia," he said.

"Don't answer it," Jace said.

"I have to!" Alec yelled. "She's called _twice_ already! Hey sweetheart, how are you?" He said, answering the phone finally.

"There you are," she gasped. "This is the third time I'm trying you!"

"I know," he laughed. "The reception up here's crazy. I think it's all the sequoia trees, block the signal."

"Ugh, I hate that," she said. "So how was it last night?"

"Ah, it was really fun, actually," he said. "It was kind of quiet, but it was a good time."

"That sounds nice,"

"I'm learning all kinds of vino factoids," he said, climbing into the back seat.

"Hi," Eric whispered to baby Carlos, making him giggle. "It'd be so cool if I could breast feed, you know?" He said to Jace. Jace didn't even bother to reply.

A yellow car swung round from the back of the Best Little Chapel, heading straight for their car, parking right out side.

"What the fuck?" said Jace, looking out the rear view mirror, to see Clary and Jonathon climb out the car, with baseball bats.

"I should probably get going," said Alec.

"Go, out of the car!" Yelled Jonathon, in a totally different personality.

"What was that?" Asked Maia, on the phone.

"They just started up the tractor," Alec chuckled. "I think it backfired."

"Where the hell is he?" Clary asked, in her husky voice.

"Hey, easy, easy," said Jace. "I think we're looking for the same guy, okay?"

Jonathon whacked the baseball bat off the front window, smashing the glass partially.

"Hey, what the hell man!" Jace cried.

Baby Carlos had had enough, and burst into a fit of tears.

"What the fuck, Alec? Is that a baby?" Maia asked.

"Why would there be a baby?" Alec tried to shush the baby. "We're at a winery. That's a goat."

"Where is he?" Jonathon bared his teeth at them.

"I don't know!" Jace had lost his ability to not panic over the years. "What are you talking about?"

"Sir, can you please start the tractor so we can get out of here?" Alec called out to his pretend tractor driver.

"I'm trying to, but we're fucking blocked!" Jace screamed.

"Oh my God!" Maia cried. "What the hell is happening, Alec?"

"Hey! There's a baby on board!" Eric roared at Jonathon, who was continuously hitting the window.

"Someone just said baby," Maia gritted her teeth.

"Get out of the car!" Clary yelled.

"It's a baby goat," Alec said quickly.

"Why you making trouble?" A familiar figure, with a raven perched on his shoulder came out from no where, dressed in all black. "Go away from here!" He pointed his shot gun at them.

"Get out of the fucking car!" said Jonathon, pointing the gun at the car.

"Jace, he's got a gun!" Eric screamed.

"No shit he's got a gun!"

"I gotta call you back, bye!" Alec hung up on Maia quickly.

Jace drove over Jonathon's foot, making him shoot the cloaked saviour in the shoulder, and the raven to flee, and his glasses to fall off. Jace crashed into the wedding limo, but reversed quickly out of the way. "Fuck, shit!" He yelled.

"He shot me!" Even the voice of the guy sounded familiar. But where?

"He shot the guy!" Alec stated the obvious.

"Fuck this shit!" Jace said, reversing into the yellow car, and then through a bus shelter, onto the road.

"Go, go, go!" and he drove back onto the motorway.

"Okay," Jace breathed. "Oh, that was some sick shit!"

"Was that _Clary_?" Asked Eric.

"You don't know them," Alec said quickly, calming down the crying Carlos. "Everything's going to be all right," he soothed. "What the fuck is going on?"

"I have no idea." Jace said.

Alec's mobile rang, again. "Why don't you just let that one go to voicemail?"

"Ha-ha-ha-ha!" Alec fake laughed. "That's a fake laugh, by the way!"

* * *

_**Sooo, any ideas on who is who? There's one name that NOBODY has guessed, ha ha! Some predictions were quite close, but others were way off! Let me know what you think in a review!**_


	7. Horny Warlockz

_**Sorry I took so long to update, I was uploading a couple more chapters of my other fanfic, and enjoying my long weekend! But now I'm back to business. Enjoy!**_

* * *

"It's got, uh, Ted Danson and Magnum P.I., and that Jewish actor," Eric said as they all walked along the slim, outside corridor of the outside of the building that 'Magnus' lived in.

"Shut up, Eric," Alec said, losing his temper. He was nervous to what Magnus would be like, and how he would react now that Alec was definitely sober. "What room was it again?"

"It's 825," said Jace. He was as nervous as Alec was. He was glad that his best friend had finally come out of his shell, but was worried in case this guy was going to break his heart.

"I know, I did," said an alluring male voice, which they could hear from the open door. "I already checked with her." He said, stepping out the door. It was Magnus, and yes, he was as glittery in person. And don't even get me started on the eyeliner. "I found him! I'll call you back. " He said, hanging up the phone as he saw the four boys coming. "Thank God, he's with his father." He ran towards Eric, who was wearing the baby carrier thing, with Carlos in it. "I was freaking out," he laughed, tenderly taking Carlos from the carrier. "I missed you, sweetie." He said, taking the baby. "And I miss you," he said, in a sexy, seductive tone, leaning in and kissing Magnus full on, moaning. Alec was rather startled, but didn't look like he wasn't enjoying it.

"No," he said, breaking the kiss, and wiped away the coconut glitter lip gloss from all around his mouth.

"What the hell happened to you guys?" Magnus giggled.

"Actually, we were hoping you could tell us," Jace said.

"What do you mean?" Magnus certainly looked happy to see them. "I woke up this morning, I went to go get you all coffee, and I came back and you were gone. Why are you being so quiet?"

"I'm not being quiet," Alec said, smiling unintentionally.

Magnus laughed. "You're so cute! Yeah, I've got to feed Chairman Meow. Come inside, you guys." He said, linking his fingers through Alec's.

"Do you hear that?" Eric said, looking disappointed. "The baby's name is Chairman Meow."

"Yeah," said Jace, before he and Eric entered the apartment. "I thought he looked more like a Carlos too, bud." Jace was just buying more time, speculating whether his theories about Magnus being a warlock were true.

* * *

"Okay, what's up?" Magnus asked as he poured some interesting blue liquid into even more interesting crystal wine glasses. They started off red, but as they got nearer the top, they were clear. Magnus's apartment looked rather normal, Jace thought. He must have his warlock junk hidden in other rooms. "You guys are acting weird."

Jace scoffed, trying to keep cool. "Look, it's Magnus, right?"

"Very funny, Jace," he said, bring the glasses over.

"Right, Magnus, uh, you remember our friend Simon?" Jace said.

"Are you kidding?" Magnus said. "He was the best man at our wedding."

"Exactly," Jace said, looking directly at Magnus. "Well, we can't find him, and we're getting a little worried."

"Oh my God," said Magnus, chuckling. "That is so Simon!"

While sipping on his drink, Alec caught sight of his grandmother's ring on Magnus's finger. Instantly, he spat it out, all over Magnus and baby Chairman Meow.

Magnus just laughed, but Chairman Meow didn't find it funny in the slightest, and burst out crying.

"Oh sweetie I'm—" Magnus soothed his son. "I'm gonna go clean him off." He said, as Alec looked at the baby, disgusted with himself. "It's alright," Magnus calmed the baby, "your new daddy didn't mean it."

"Oh my Angel," said Alec, not knowing where to put himself.

"What the fuck, man," Jace hissed, "you've got to hold it together!"

"Holy shit," Alec rocked himself.

"He is super cute," Jace said, feeling slightly out of character, "you should be proud of yourself."

"He's wearing my grandmother's ring!" Alec hissed.

"What?"

"The ring I'm gonna give to Maia." He said in despair. "You know, my grandmother's Uprising ring?"

"Fuck," Jace put his face in his hands.

"She's wearing it!"

"Okay," said Jace, thinking things over in his head.

"What is the Uprising?" Asked Eric. Alec and Jace thought it was best not to respond.

"He's okay," Magnus said, walking back through with Chairman Meow. (What an odd name for a baby)

"Oh good," said Jace.

"He was just hungry," Magnus said, sitting down, and attaching what looked like a fake breast with milk in it. "He's fine."

"Oh good," said Jace again, in the same monotone. "About last night," he said, with a bit more life. "Uh, do you remember the last time you saw Simon?"

"Uh, I haven't seen him since the wedding," Magnus said, latching Chairman Meow onto his artificial boob.

"The wedding," Jace took out his little bit of paper and wrote that down. "Okay, great. And we can't re— what time was that?"

"Well, it was, um," he said, his cat eyes glittering, assuring Jace that he definitely was a warlock. "I guess it was around one, because I had to go back to work and finish my shift." Magnus winked at Eric, who was staring at the artificial boob in amazement. "And then when I got out I headed over to the hotel with Chairman Meow."

"And was Simon there then?"

"I didn't see Simon because you guys were passed out," he said. "The room was a wreck, so I just curled up next to Alec." Magnus gave him a cheeky wink, glitter flying off his long, fake eyelashes.

"Uh huh," said Jace, fighting the urge to laugh.

"Rawr," Magnus pretended to be some sort of cat.

"Oh," Jace smiled. He was playing along; anything to find Simon quicker.

Alec looked around the room in disgust. "I've got a question," Alec said, raising his hand slightly. "Um, you said when your shift ended." He said. "Does that mean you're a nurse? Or a blackjack dealer?"

"You know this," Magnus smiled. "I'm a stripper."

"Mm-hm," Alec said, pursing his lips tightly so he didn't scream.

"Well technically I'm an escort, but stripping's a great way to meet the clients."

"Smart," Jace smiled.

"Savvy," Alec said the first word that came to mind that wasn't inappropriate.

"But that's all in the past," Magnus said, looking like he was in a dream, "now that I married a doctor."

Alec shook his head, biting his lip. "I'm just a dentist."

"Las Vegas Police! Freeze!" The door burst open, and two male police officers, one short and fat, and one tall and skinny, hair greying.

"Okay!" Said the boys, raising their hands, jumping out their skin.

On cue, Chairman Meow started crying.

"Shut that baby up!" Said the skinny police officer, pointing his gun at them. "Shut that baby up!"

"For the love of the Angel!"

"Okay, okay, okay!" Jace screamed.

* * *

_**This probably doesn't give any hints to who Lesley Chow is now, haha! Maybe next chapter you'll find out, maybe...**_


	8. Oh, Balls!

_**Hey guys, thought I would finish this chapter last night, but oh well! Thanks to everyone who reads and reviews, it's much appreciated!  
**_

* * *

Jace was allowed one phone call, so he used it to call Isabelle. He wasn't enjoying being handcuffed to Eric.

"After we take the mug shots, we bring them down here," said muscely, hairy tour guide Police Officer Bat, as he showed the children who had come to visit the waiting room, "where they wait to be interviewed by the arresting officers. Trust me kids, you do not want to be sitting on these benches. We call this place Loserville."

This made the kids chuckle, as they were ushered elsewhere. One of the fat children walked up to Eric, with his camera phone out, and took a picture of Eric's angry expression.

This aggravated Eric, and seen as he was out of use of both of his hands, he kicked the boy's camera phone out his hand, sending it flying.

"Hello?" Isabelle answered her phone from the side of the pool of her new house.

"Hey, Isabelle, it's Jace."

"Hey Jace," said Isabelle. "Where are you guys?"

"We are at the spa at the hotel," he lied. He didn't usually lie, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

"Cool," said Isabelle, enjoying the sun. "We're just getting some sun. Is Simon around?"

"Of course he's around," Jace panicked. "Why wouldn't he be around?"

"I'm just wondering why _you_'re calling me."

"Um…" Jace procrastinated. "We made a deal, no talking to our girlfriends or wives. So we're all calling each other's."

"Okay," Isabelle sensed the lie through the phone. "What's up?"

"Uh, you are not going to believe this." Jace said. "We got comped an extra night at the hotel!"

"You did?"

"Yeah. The suite is— it's ridiculous! It's out of control! There's like room service, and a butler. I mean, just the works!" He was getting carried away with himself. We're thinking of spending the night here, and we're gonna come back totally relaxed in the morning."

"You want to stay another night?" Isabelle didn't like the idea. "But the wedding's tomorrow."

"Yeah, that's why we're gonna get up real early, and we'll be back in plenty of time."

"Okay. Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Herondale, Lightwood, Gold. Room three." Called a police officer who was reading from a clip board.

"Okay, Izzy, I gotta go." Jace said, looking under his arm at the police officer. "We'll talk to you later." He said, hanging up before she could say anything.

"Come on, come on," said the impatient police officer. "Chop chop."

The boys realised the handcuffs were all twisted. "Okay, okay, spin around," they said to Eric, who was in the middle. "That's it," they said, a little too soon. "I'll go over!" Said Jace. "Stop, stop!" Interjected Alec. "Can you just?" Eric thought he was on to something. "Hold on."

"We got it, Eric," said Jace, stepping over them, instantly untangling them. "Just relax." What they didn't realise, was that Eric was still tangled at the back.

* * *

So the police officers were Officer Aldertree and Officer Malachi. Aldertree was the small, fat one, and Malachi was the tall, skinny one. Jace swore he knew them from somewhere.

"Gentlemen," said Officer Malachi. "We've got some good news, and we've got some bad news." He said, placing the papers down. "The good news is, we found your Mercedes."

Jace chuckled in delight.

"That's great news," said Alec, glad to see that he would live to see his sister's marriage go down the drain.

"That's great," Jace grinned. "See?"

"Yeah, it's over at impound right now." Officer Malachi continued. "We picked it up at five a.m. this morning, parked in the middle of the Las Vegas Boulevard."

"In the middle," Jace coughed. "That's weird."

"Yeah, that _is _weird. There was also a note," he said, holding it in the air. "It says, uh, 'Couldn't find a meter but here's four bucks.'" He threw the note in front of them. "The bad news is," he continued, "we can't get you in front of a judge until Monday morning."

"Oh, no, uh, officer, that's just impossible." Jace stammered. "No, we need to be in L.A. tomorrow for a wedding."

"You stole a police car," Aldertree spoke for the first time.

"We didn't steal anything," Alec said. "Um, we found it." Alec hated lying, but he wasn't technically lying. He didn't know what happened last night.

"Yeah, if anything, we deserve a reward or something, like a trophy," Eric said.

"I see assholes like you everyday," Malachi spat out.

"Every fucking day!" Aldertree echoed.

"Let's go to Vegas," Malachi mimicked what he stereotyped them as, "we'll all get drunk and get laid!"

"Yeah!" Aldertree joined in. "Whoo! Woo-hoo!"

"Woo-hoo! Let's steal a cop car, because it'd be really fucking funny!"

"Think you gonna get away with it? Not up in here." Aldertree said.

"Not up in here!" Malachi bellowed an echo.

"Oh," said Jace.

"Uh,"

"Sir," Jace looked at Malachi with pleading eyes. "If I may? I'm assuming that that squad car belongs to you."

"Yeah," Malachi said.

"Yeah," said Jace. "Look, I'm not a cop, I'm not hero. I'm a schoolteacher. But if one of my kids went missing on a field trip, that would look really bad on me.

"What are you getting at?" Malachi narrowed his eyes at Jace.

"Yeah, Jace, what _are _you getting at?" Alec gritted his teeth together.

"No one wants to look bad," said Jace. "We got to get to a wedding, and you guys don't need people talking about how some obnoxious tourists borrowed your squad car last night. But look, the point is, I think we can work out a deal. Discreetly, of course. What do you say?"

The officers looked at each other, talking with their eyes. Aldertree scrawled something quickly on his clipboard and passed it to Malachi. It must have been funny, because Malachi started chuckling. Alec chuckled with him, trying to blur the enemy line.

"Let me ask you a question," said Malachi. "Do, uh, any of you gentlemen have a heart condition or anything like that?"

"Uh, no," Jace said, perplexed at the sort of question that was.

* * *

"Okay, kids," said Officer Malachi, as the five of them stood in front of a class of children, "you're in for a real treat today. These gentlemen have kindly volunteered to demonstrate how a stun gun is used to subdue a subject."

The kids gasped and murmured amongst themselves.

"Yeah," Malachi laughed. "That's right."

"Wait a sec," Jace, Alec, and Eric said. "What?"

"Now, there's two ways to use a stun gun," Malachi continued, picking up two stun guns. "Up close and personal," he said, stunning Alec in the head quickly, giving him no notice. Alec screamed and fell to the floor. The kids found this enjoyable.

"What the fuck?" Jace said, looked at Alec, wide eyed.

"Or you can shoot it from a distance," Malachi grinned. "Do I have any volunteers? You wanna come up here and do some shooting, huh?" The childrens' hands went up immediately.

"All right, how about you, young lady?" He said, pointing to a small, Asian child. "Come on up here. Alright. Let's go handsome," he said, directed at Jace, "come on."

Eric stepped forward.

"Not you, fat Jesus, slide it back." Malachi sent him packing. "You, pretty boy." He motioned to Jace, and Jace stepped forward. "All right, now, it's real simple," he said, handing the little girl the stun gun. "All you've got to do is point, aim and shoot, all right?" The little girl nodded.

"Okay, look," Jace raised his hands and swallowed as the little girl pointed the gun at him, right at the forehead. "You don't really want to do this."

"You can do this," Malachi said, bending down to the little girl's level. "Just focus." The girl nodded.

"Don't listen to this maniac," Jace said, his voice wavering. "Let's think this thing through."

"Finish him!" Malachi screamed.

The little girl's hand slipped, and aimed for Jace's Highly Personal Area instead of his forehead.

"Oh fuck!" Jace screamed in pain, writhing to the floor.

"Yeah!" Malachi whooped in delight. "Right in the nuts! That was beautiful." The kids were highly amused.

"Well done," he said, clapping with Officer Aldertree. "Give her a hand, everybody,"

"Good job," said Aldertree. "Good job," he even had Eric clapping along with them.

"Good job. Well done. Good job, that was great!" Malachi praised the little girl before she sat back in her seat. "Good. Hey, we got one more charge left. Anybody want to do some shooting up here?"

"How about you, big man?" Malachi pointed to a little boy who seemed familiar to Eric. "Come on up here."

As the boy stood from his seat, Eric realised exactly who he was. He had kicked the little boy's camera phone not that long ago, now the boy was back for revenge. Everything from there seemed to go in slow motion.

"Okay, same instructions," Malachi gave the boy the stun gun. "Just point, aim, and shoot."

The boy stared Eric in the eye as he raised the gun, aiming for his stomach.

"There you go," Malachi said. "That's the stuff. I like the intensity. Eye of the tiger. Good."

The boy slowly raised the gun to Eric's head.

"You're holding fifty thousand volts, little man," said Malachi, watching the boy, delighted at the thought of Eric in pain. "Don't be afraid to ride the lightening."

The boy released the trigger, directly hitting Eric's face, but it didn't take its full effect on him.

"In the face, in the face!" Malachi laughed with Aldertree. "Oh, oh, he's still up!"

This, however, did not amuse the children.

"Alright everybody, calm down," Malachi laughed. "Take it easy. We've seen it before, he just needs a little extra charge." He said, and tased him in the neck, making Eric fall onto his side onto the desk. "There we go," the two officers laughed. "Some of these big boys, you've got to give them two shots," he slapped Eric's ass. "Alright kids, who wants to get their fingerprints done, huh? Come on, let's go!"

* * *

"Fuck those guys!" Alec said, as they waited at the car impound to get their car back. "You hear me? That was bullshit. I'm telling everybody we stole a cop car!"

"They let us go," said Jace. "Who cares?"

"I care." Alec said. "You can't just do that. You can't just tase people because you think it's funny. That's police brutality!" Alec exhaled deeply. "I'm getting a soda. Do you guys want anything?"

"No," said Jace, so Alec set off to find a drink. "My man doesn't shut up," Jace said to Eric. "For the love of the Angel. Eric, you okay?"

"I'm just worried," he admitted. "What if something happened to Simon? Something bad?"

"Come on," said Jace. "You can't think like that."

"I mean, what if he's dead?" Jace thought this was highly unlikely for a vampire. "I can't afford to lose anyone close to me again. It hurts too much. I was so upset when my grandpa died."

"Oh I'm sorry, how did he die?" Jace wasn't sorry at all.

"Word War II."

"Died in battle?" Jace instantly had more respect for him.

"No, he was skiing in Vermont," Eric said. "It was just during World War II." And that respect was instantly lost.

"Eric," he said, "Simon is fine."

"Well, why hasn't he called?"

"I don't know, but we're going to figure it out."

"I'll tell you another thing," Alec said, walking back with his soda. (I just realised it was weird for a dentist to be drinking fizzy drinks.) "Six to one odds our car is beaten to shit."

"Alec, not now," Jace hushed him.

"No, how much do you want to bet it's fucked beyond all recognition?"

"That's enough," Jace said, standing up. "Eric's seriously worried, okay? Let's not freak him out anymore." He said, quiet enough for Eric not to hear.

"I'm sorry, Eric," Alec said, patting Eric on the back. "You know what? We'll search the car for clues and everything's going to be okay."

They heard the sound of a car approaching.

"Oh shit, I can't watch," said Jace. "Just tell me what it looks like."

"Not looking. Not looking." Said Alec, but he was looking. "Wow. Alright," he said, seeing that the car looked fine.

"Oh, thank the Angel," said Jace. "You see?" he said to Eric. "It's gonna be alright."

* * *

_**Was going to put the bit where they open the car trunk in this chapter, but decided to make it a cliffhanger xD think I'll probably write another chapter of my other fanfiction before I update this one, so who knows how long it'll be till I update again!**_


	9. Do You Think Snake Skin is Tougher?

_**The guilt of not uploading anything in such a long time was eating away at me... but here I am, uploading something! Yay! Finally, what everyone has been waiting for...

* * *

**_

Jace took advantage of the ideal opportunity, and decided he was driving the car.

"Anything?" He said, looking around the car as he drove.

"Hmm," Alec said as he picked up a smoked cigar. "I got a cigar. Oh, I found, uh—"

"These are some black shoes," Eric said from the back seat, examining what was sure enough, a black shoe.

"They women's' shoes?" Jace asked, looking in the rear view mirror.

"I don't know."

"Whose are those?" Jace asked, obviously suggesting that he would never wear such a style of shoes.

"I don't know," Alec said, looking in the shoe, pausing with disgust at the stench, "it's a men's size six."

"That's weird," Jace said.

"What is this?" Eric said, picking up a clearly used condom. "A snake skin?"

"Oh, come on!" Alec sighed, not even wanting to think about what he had been up to. "Eww!" He squealed as Eric threw the condom on his shoulder.

"That's a used condom, Eric!" Jace said loudly, hiding his secret laughter the best that he could.

"Oh, Angel, blech!" Alec tried to sweep the condom off him with as little contact with it as he could. When he finally did get it off, it flicked into Eric's eye.

"Ouch" he said, flicking it away.

"Get it out of the car," Jace said, looking back in disgust.

"Gross, it's wet!" Alec moaned to himself.

"I don't want the thing!" Eric screamed, throwing the condom on Jace's shoulder in a panic.

"Hey, come on!" Jace screamed, trying to shrug the condom off as he drove, which wasn't for happening. "I got jizz on me! For the love of the Angel, guys!"

"Get it out!" Alec laughed.

"Fuck!" Jace screamed, throwing it out of the window, and pulling over into some kind of stranded lay-by.

"All right, what the fuck, man?" Jace said, pushing his hair out of his face and put his face in his palms. "We've got to get this shit together, guys!"

They all sat in a panicked silence, as a metal thump came from the boot of the car.

"What was that?" Eric stared at them with wide eyes.

"It's in the trunk," said Alec, identifying the source of the noise. "Simon's in the trunk!" He said, sparking on an idea.

With that in mind, they all jumped out of the car, and rushed to the trunk of the car.

"Oh, fuck! Holy shit!"

"Open it! Open it!" Alec yelled as they pounced onto the boot.

"Okay, okay, okay!" Jace said, fumbling with the keys as he turned the lock of the trunk.

Opening the trunk, they felt relieved, but only for a second. A tall, blonde-white haired muscled naked man jumped on top of Jace, his privates in Jace's face, as he hit him with a crowbar. The three of them ran in different directions, leaving Jace to try and remove the naked man from his face, as he continuously whacked him with the crowbar.

"Please! Please! Please stop!" Jace yelled. He wasn't as brave as he had been when he was Jace Wayland, Shadowhunting Legend. Now he was Jace Herondale, Shadowhunting schoolteacher, and not the same man he used to be. He always wondered what his life would have been like if he hadn't knocked up his wife when he was only nineteen. Finally, Jace found the might to throw the strange man off.

Once getting a better look at the man, Jace realised he knew who he was. The strange man was Valentine Morgenstern. Jace had thought he had died, but his body never had been found…

Valentine smacked Alec in the stomach with the crowbar, then in the back, then in the neck, making him fall to the ground with a grunt. He then turned round, full of rage, and smacked Jace across the jaw with the crowbar, making his uber cool sunglasses fall to the ground. Then, Valentine sought out his weakest opponent, Eric. He edged towards him slowly, the crowbar raised in his hands, eyeing Eric up and down.

"Woah," Eric edged away quickly. "I'm with you, I'm with you!"

"You gonna fuck on me?" Valentine asked. Obviously where he had been, he had lost the ability to talk properly.

"Nobody's gonna fuck on you!" Eric screamed, holding his hands out defensively as he backed away. "I hate Godzilla! I hate him too. I hate him! He destroys cities! Please! This isn't your fault! I'll get you some pants!" Eric rambled on, which seemed to be soothing Valentine slightly. But that was just a façade Valentine had purposely set up. He threw the crowbar at Eric's face, and ran off, leaving the three boys lying on the ground in agony.

"What the fuck was that?" Said Jace, crawling towards the car.

"I have internal bleeding," Alec over reacted. "Someone call 911."

"That was some fucked up shit!" Eric coughed, sitting up against the car with Jace and Alec.

"Valentine is so mean!" Was all Jace could come up with.

"Guys, there's something that I need to tell you," Eric said. "Last night on the roof, before we went out, I slipped something in our Jagermeister."

"What?" Jace stared at him in disbelief.

"I'm sorry, I fudged up, guys," Eric was so ashamed he couldn't even look at them.

"You drugged us up?" Alec sat up, as rage gave him a little adrenaline.

"No, I didn't drug you up," Eric shook his head. "I was told it was ecstasy."

"Well, who told you it was ecstasy?" Jace tried to contain his rage, as it would get him nowhere to be furious.

"The guy I bought it from at the liquor store!"

"Why would you give us ecstasy?" Alec decided to calm himself a little, because, as Jace always told him, being angry would get him nowhere.

"I wanted everybody to have a good time and I knew you guys wouldn't take it! It was just one hit each. I used to do three hits a night."

"But it wasn't ecstasy, Eric," Alec tried to get to his feet. "It was roofies!"

"You think I knew that, Alec? The guy I bought it from seemed like a real straight shooter."

"I'm sorry," Alec said, giving up on getting up, so he crawled to Eric. "You mean the drug dealer at the liquor store _wasn't_ a good guy?"

* * *

"Let's just calm it down," said Jace.

"You fucking calm it down!" Alec screamed at Jace. "He drugged us. I lost a tooth. I married a whore. Although, I think that's just a cover up identity."

"I was thinking that too—" said Jace.

"How dare you he's a nice guy!" Eric screamed as if it was all one word. He obviously had a soft spot for the warlock.

"You are such a fucking moron." Alec said, standing up.

"Your language is offensive!"

"Fuck you!"

"Alright, let's just take a deep breath, okay?" Jace stood back, and soothed Alec. "Seriously, this is a good thing. At least it's not some stranger who drugged us for the Angel knows what reason!"

"Yeah, you're right Jace," Alec said sarcastically, "it's a totally good thing. We're so much better off now. Here's something I would like to remind you of: Simon is probably face down in a ditch somewhere right now, with a meth-head butt-fucking his corpse!"

"That's highly unlikely," Eric looked down.

"It's true!"

"Does not help at all," said Jace. "All right, let's get our shit together, guys. Let's go back to the hotel, and I'm gonna make a couple calls. Maybe Simon's back there. Maybe he's asleep. Come on! Let's go!"

"Alec?" Eric held up his hand to Alec. "A little help?"

"Shut up." Alec swiped his hand away, and opened the car door. Unfortunately, Eric had attempted to get up at this point, and Alec whacked him across the head with the car door.

"Ow!"  
"Oh Angel, Oh Angel," Alec panicked. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Eric chocked out.

"Oh Eric, I'm sorry," Alec said, helping Eric up.

"Wait guys," Eric said, as the three of them walked down the hotel corridor, looking stoned. "What about the tiger?" He whispered. "What if he got out?"

"Oh fuck!" Jace bent his head backwards in exasperation. "I keep forgetting about the Forsaken tiger! How the fuck did he get in there?"

"I don't know, because I don't remember," Alec said, full of sass. He'd obviously learned a thing or two from his sister, Isabelle.

"Shh," Jace hushed him. "Alec, Alec, keep it down."

"Because, uh, one of the side affects of, uh, roofies is memory loss." Eric didn't understand that Alec was being sarcastic.

"You are literally too stupid to insult." Alec stared at him in disbelief.

"Thank you."

"Hey," Jace whispered, placing his hands on the door, then pushed it open, to hear the sound of Phil Collins' "In the Air Tonight" playing through the villa. "Hey, come on," he ushered Alec and Eric in. "Did we leave the music on?" He asked Alec. "Hey, shh," he growled at Eric as he slammed the door shut. "Don't make any sudden movements."

"Woah!" An unidentified figure screamed as Jace walked into him.

"Who the hell are you?" Jace said, jumping back.

"No, who the hell are you?" Said a pale boy, who had obviously dyed his hair black, as the blonde roots were coming in. To Jace and Alec, he was a vampire, but to Eric, he was just an attractive male boy who was in their villa.

"Quiet, quiet," said a mysterious voice, that had a Spanish accent. They turned to see a dark haired boy, who couldn't be any older than seventeen sitting at the piano. They knew who it was.

"Raphael?" Jace double taked.

"Shh." Raphael said in his normal voice. "This is my favourite part coming up right now." As the drums sounded, he motioned as if he was playing the drums. "I can feel it, coming in the air tonight," he sang, "I need a chorus line, guys," he said to the three of them.

Eric was the first to join in with the chorus, but Alec and Jace didn't.

"One more time guys!" Raphael cheered, and this time, Alec and Jace did join in. And with that, Raphael punched Eric in the jaw forcefully.

"Oh, Raziel!" Jace covered his mouth with his hand.

"Oh fuck!" The two of them said as they dropped to the floor to check Eric.

Jace checked Eric head, then looked up to Raphael. "Why did you do that?" he yelled.

"Raphael would like to know why is his tiger in your bathroom."

"Hold on," Jace raised his hands and his voice. "That was completely unnecessary. Is this because of what happened in the Hotel Du Mort—"

"Explain," said the boy.

"All right, look, we were drugged last night," Jace explained. "We have no memory of what happened."

"It's true," said Alec, as the two vampires looked at each other, obviously not trusting the Shadowhunters. "We got in all kinds of trouble last night and now we can't find out friend. If you want to kill us, go ahead, because I don't care anymore."

"Alec, what are you talking about?" Jace gritted his teeth. The vampires would take any opportunity to kill Shadowhunters.

"I don't care," he said.

"Why the fuck would you want to steal his tiger?" Said the boy.

"We tend to do dumb shit when we're fucked up," Jace said, shrugging his shoulders.

"I don't believe these Shadowhunters," Raphael sneered.

"Wait," said Jace. "How did you guys find us?"

"One of you dropped your jacket," said the boy. "We found it in the tigers' cage this morning."

"That's Simon's!" Said Alec. As Raphael and his boy heard the name Simon, they instantly changed their approach. They had massive respect for the Daylighter.

"Yeah," said the boy, throwing the jacket at Alec. "His wallet and his room key is in there."

"That's our missing friend," said Jace, looking at the jacket.

"I don't give a fuck," said the boy, but you could totally tell he did.

"Did you guys see him?" Asked Alec.

"I was…" Raphael grinned cheekily, "occupied."

"If he had been vacant," said the boy, "then this wouldn't have gone down so smoothly."

"Maybe one of the tigers' ate him," Raphael laughed with the boy. "Just like Valentine."

"Respect," said the boy, looking down.

"What happened to Valentine?" Jace asked, because he knew this couldn't be true. He had seen Valentine not that long ago.

"Oh don't worry about Valentine," Raphael said. "He's not with us anymore."

"Okay, I know this is asking a lot," said Jace, putting his hands to the temples of his head. "but do you think we could go to your house and look around and see if there's any clues?"

"Absolutely," said the boy. "How else did you think we were going to get the tiger back anyway? Come on, champ," he said, as him and Raphael headed for the door.

"I'm sorry?" Said Jace.

"We're not going to put it in the Bentley," said the boy. "You brought it here, you bring it back. What do you think, about forty minutes?"

"Don't make me come back for him," said Raphael. And with that, they were out the villa.

"Eric," Jace said, as Eric started to come back to consciousness. "Bud, are you okay?"

"Oh, for the love of the Angel," Alec whispered.

"Shit!"

"Fuck, where'd he get him?"

"Hey," Jace snapped his fingers in Eric's face, making him focus.

* * *

_**I would like to know how many of you honestly guessed everyone correctly! Leave a review and tell me what you thought!**_


	10. Songs Composed by Jace

**_Hey guys, I know I said I would update this quite a long time ago... but I didn't. And I doubt I'll be updating again until mid December (I have exams). Anyway, thanks for all the reviews! Enjoy!

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_**

Jace called room service and ordered the cheapest steak on the menu—sixty dollars, it came to. The person on the other end of the line did seem puzzled when he asked for it to be brought up raw, but he didn't have time to care about stupid mundanes.

The waiter who delivered the steak to the room even seemed on edge as he handed Jace the steak. The young boy stood at the door, with his hand outstretched expectantly as Jace took the steak from him. Jace smiled at him, said his thanks, and shut the door in the boys face. Poor boy.

"This doesn't seem fair," Alec said as Eric pushed the leftover roofies into the steak.

"It's rock paper scissors," said Jace. "Nothing's more fair."

"Eric should do it," said Alec.

"Eric took a punch from Raphael," said Jace. "Come on, for Simon."

"Why are you peppering the steak?" Asked Alec. "You don't know if tigers like pepper."

"Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon." Eric stated matter of factly.

"Jace, just do it," said Alec in a voice he had always used with Jace when they were younger; a voice Jace couldn't say no to. "You should do it."

Jace swallowed the lump that formed in this throat when Alec did this to him. He had to learn to say no. "I would, but you lost," he said, "it wouldn't be right."

"Okay, I jammed five roofies in there," said Eric, handing Alec the steak carefully. "Just go in there and throw it in to him."

Alec gave in with a sigh. "Fine," he said as he stood up and braced himself to meet the tiger.

"Make sure he eats the full thing," said Jace as Alec turned the handle of the bathroom door.

* * *

Alec hid around the side of the wall as he entered the room, and cussed at himself as he peeked round to look at the magnificent orange striped beast.

As he faced the beast he breathed, trying to calm himself. He had faced many great demons, but he had never been more scared now than he had in his whole life. "Hey, kitty," he said to the tiger.

The tiger just looked at him.

"Hey, sweetie, it's okay," Alec found the tiger surprisingly like Maia. "I got a little snack for you." He waved the steak in front of the tiger's face warily. "It's real important that you eat this, okay?"

"Yeah, just have a little," he said, as the tiger started to edge towards the steak.

The tiger snatched the steak out of Alec's hand, making him run out the room screaming like a little girl. "Shit," he said, as he shut the door behind him, locking the tiger in the bathroom.

Jace and Eric looked at him with worried eyes.

"What do we do now?" Asked Alec.

"We wait." Said Jace.

* * *

The wait for the tiger to be drugged was long and daunting wait, so Jace decided to tinker around on the piano to ease the mood.

"What do tigers dream of, when they take a little tiger snooze?" He began to sing. "Do they dream of mauling zebras or Halle Berry in her Catwoman suit? Don't you worry your pretty striped head, we're gonna get you back to Raphael and your cozy tiger bed. And then we're gonna find our best friend Simon, and then we're going to give him a best friend hug. Siiiiiiiiiiiimon, Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimon, Simon, Si, Si, Simon Simon. But if he's been murdered by bloody thirsty werewolves," the tiger groaned, signalling that it was passed out. "Then we're shit out of luck." Jace finished quickly.

* * *

Once the tiger was completely passed out, the loaded it onto a luggage cart and threw a bed sheet over him so that they wouldn't attract anymore suspicious attention.

"By the way, we're all going to die," said Alec, as they lugged the cart into the hallway.

"Oh, for the love of the Angel," said Jace as he watched them hit the tiger into the wall several times.

"Watch it!" Said Eric.

"His nose," hissed Alec. "That's his nose."

They all felt nervous about driving a tiger in the back of their car down the streets of Las Vegas.

"Hey guys," said Eric. "When's the next Halley's coment?

"Who cares, man," said Jace. The lack of sleep was starting to take its toll on him.

"Do you know, Alec?"

"I don't think it's for another, like sixty years or something." That was just a complete guess. He wasn't interested in comets.

"But it's not tonight, right?"

"No, I don't think so."

"But you don't know for sure?"

"No."

"I go this cousin Marcus who saw one," said Eric. "He said it blew his mind. I wanna make sure I never, ever miss out on a Halley's comet. So, if you guys know if there's gonna be one—"

It looked like the roofies hadn't lasted long on the tiger, because it let out a deafening roar, making two out of the three men shit their pants, literally.

"Oh fuck!" They screamed, and the tiger roared more, and even clawed Jace in the back. After that, they screamed things too incomprehensible to write down. But let's say, it was a mish mash of random cursing words amid the tiger's snarling.

The chaos caused Jace to lose control of his driving, and he skidded into other cars that were also in the tunnel they were driving under. As the tiger clawed him in the back, he drove into the side of the truck as he screamed in pain.

Cars honked at them as they stopped the car and leapt out the car, shutting the doors behind themselves.

"Oh, my Angel!" Screamed Alec.

"Fuck it!" Yelled Jace. "Alec, Alec, it got me! Alec!" Nephilim didn't know how to deal with normal attacks, only demon ones. They were practically useless, plus, they were chucked out the Clave, so they didn't have weapons anyway.

"You got clawed!" Alec yelped, looking at Jace's back. "You're bleeding!"

They died (not literally) as they watched the tiger rip apart the furniture in Robert Lightwood's precious car.

"Oh!" They said as the tiger pushed it's leg through one of the rear mirrors.

"I'm panicking!" Said Eric.

"Okay, okay, okay. Wait, hold on," said Jace, formulating a plan inside his head, but lost anything he had thought of as the tiger watched them and growled.

* * *

In the end, they decided to push the car back to Raphael's house.

"I can't do it!" Eric cried every time the tiger roared from the inside of the car.

"Get your fucking hand back inside there and steer the car," said Jace.

"I'm too nervous!" Squirmed Eric.

"Eric, we need you buddy," said Alec. "This is your time to shine, okay?"

"Okay, yeah," Eric breathed, and put his hand back in the car to steer. "Your daddy is going to kill me, Alec."

"Keep it straight," Alec ignored him. He knew that his dad was going to take a flakey.

They gazed at the magnificent house in awe as they rang the doorbell of Raphael's Las Vegas residence. The house was huge and expensive looking. Everyone wished it was their house.

"You're late," said the vampire that seemed to do all the talking for Raphael.

"Whatever man, we had to push it the last mile." Said Jace.

"Come on in," the boy said. "Raphael has something he wants to show you."

They stepped into the foyer of the house slowly, soaking in the marble floors and staircases, and the huge grand piano in the middle.

"That things out of control, man," Jace said to the boy vampire. "Seriously, you gotta put it down."

* * *

"When we got back, we looked at the security camera," said Raphael once they were all seated on his big luxurious leather sofa. The boy pressed play on the video player, and the video of the night before began.

The tape showed the boys stumbling drunkenly through Raphael's gardens in the early hours of the morning, with Simon there.

"Oh, it's Simon!" Alec exclaimed, relieved.

Jace leaned back in the chair in reassurance. "Thank the Angel he's alive!"  
"That's our buddy," Alec couldn't conceal his grin. "that's our buddy Simon. That's who we've been missing."

"Yes," said Eric. "We're all best friends."

"Why don't you just pay attention?" Raphael said, exasperatedly. "I don't have all night."

"Yeah, of course," Jace said, getting back to business. "Of course."

The tape showed Eric climbing onto a rock surrounding Raphael's pool carelessly, with Alec in the back ground asking him what he was doing.

_"Hey guys, check this out. Watch me." Eric said, climbing to the rock closest to the pool._

"That's me, on TV" Eric said, sounding rather pleased with himself. "I've never been on TV before."

The screen showed Eric peeing into Raphael's pool.

_"What are you doing, man?"_ They heard Simon giggle from the TV

"Really?" Jace said, looking mighty disappointed with Eric. "Really, Eric?"

_"You got a fire house, man?"_

Eric turned round to see Raphael's look of sheer disgust. "Yeah, I was, uh—"

_"You're gonna over flow the pool, man."_ They heard Alec say.

"Maybe—" said Eric. "Should I wait outside?"

"I think that's a good idea, Eric," said Raphael.

"Yeah," Alan said as sharply as he stood up.

"Don't touch anything out there, either," said the vampire boy as Eric made his way out.

"You know what?" said Alec, almost pleadingly. "He's not our good fr— We don't know him that well."

The screen now showed Jace leading the tiger out of Raphael's estate on a piece of rope, while the others followed close behind.

"By the way," said Raphael. "Where did you Shadowhunters get that cop car from?"

"We, um, stole it from these dumb ass cops," said Alec awkwardly.

"Nice," said Raphael with a grin.

The other two laughed almost too enthusiastically.

"High five that one!" said Raphael, raising a hand at Alec. "Yeah, that's nice." He said again, obviously thinking about it over and over.

"You know, I just have to say…" Jace said with all seriousness. "I have never seen a more beautiful, elegant, just regal creature."

The screen showed Jace pushing the tiger into the backseat of the car, looking like he was anally raping it. _"Check this out. Alec. Alec. Fuck this tiger."_ He said, making inappropriate hip thrusts.

"For the love of the Angel," said Alec disapprovingly. "That's awful."

"Oh, man," said Raphael, finally gob smacked. "Who does shit like that, man?"

"Someone who has a lot of issues, obviously." Jace said. "I'm a sick man."

The boy turned the TV off. "That's all we've got."

"This was hugely helpful," said Alec, trying to smooth the surface. "Really. Because now we know that our buddy Simon was with us at 3.30, totally alive."

"You must remember it is hard to kill the Night Children," said Raphael.

"Thanks again, champ," said Jace. "And, uh, again, we are so sorry that we stole your tiger."

"Don't worry about it, man," said Raphael, shaking his head, making his darkest brown curly locks bounce. "Like you said, we all do dumb shit when we're fucked up."

Alec and Jace laughed over enthusiastically again.

"I told you he'd get it!"

"I did say that!"

* * *

**_Anyway, like I said, I probably won't be updating until mid December! see ya all then!_**


	11. Pyschotic Ginger!

**_I realise this is a lot later than mid December... but... late is better than never, right? :$ _**

**_Anyway, enjoy ;D

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_**

"You know," said Alec, driving the wrecked remained of his father's car, "everyone says Raphael is such a bad ass, but, I think he's kind of a sweetheart."

"I think he's mean," said Eric, from the backseat.

"All right," said Jace from the passenger seat. "I think it's officially time we call Isabelle."

"Hallelujah!" Cried Alec. "Finally, Jace says something that makes sense!"

"I mean, we don't have much of a choice." Jace ignored Alec; he was used to his irrational behaviour. "And who knows, maybe she's heard from Simon."

"That's what I've been saying this whole time!" Alec liked being the voice of sense.

"We just need to be completely honest," Jace said as they stopped at a red light. "We need to tell her everything."

"We don't have to tell her everything," Alec said. "I mean, we can leave out the stuff about me marrying a warlock hooker. Just stay focused on Simon."

"What are we gonna tell your dad about his car, Alec?" Eric panicked.

"Eric, relax," said Jace. "It's just the inside, come on. I got a guy in LA who's great with interiors." He didn't really. Jace didn't even _know_ anyone who lived in LA.

They screamed in terror as a massive gas guzzling four by four zoomed into the side of their car, slamming them off the road and into a sign for a porn shop on the pavement, completely destroying the exterior of the car, but surprisingly, none of them were hurt.

Just as they thought that all damage was finished, one of the suggestive lighting up girls of the sign crashed through the soft top, almost bonking Eric on the head.

"For the love of the Angel!"

The black car reversed smoothly onto the side of the road, and the two familiar figures of Clary and Jonathan emerged from the car, along with their gracious father, Valentine, this time fully clothed in a black coat white trouser broad suit. Slowly, he paced over to look at the trio from the front of their car.

"I know that guy!" exclaimed Eric. "That's the guy from the trunk!"

Alec and Jace knew this more than too well.

"Get out of the car," Valentine's deep timbre shook them. "Please." Valentine always believed in being polite.

They hesitated; Valentine had no time for hesitation.

"Removed them if they cannot remove themselves," Valentine said calmy.

"Let's go!" Said Jonathan, grabbing Jace by the shoulders through the broken window.

"Okay," said Jace with a lack of defence, as he allowed Jonathan to pull him through the window. "Okay, all right!"

"Let's go," said Clary, dragging Alec out the same window once Jace was out.

"Hey, relax!" Yelled Alec. "Ouch!"

"Get the fat boy." Said Valentine, pointing at Eric indifferently.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Screamed Eric as they both pulled him out the window.

"All right, all right!" Jace stepped in, as Eric tried to take a swing at them both.

"Take it easy," said Alec. "Take it easy!"

"I want my purse back, assholes," Valentine roared, his voice taking on a deep crescendo.

"What?" said Jace, leaning on the side of the car to help alleviate the pain in his side.

"That's not a purse, it's a satchel!" Eric panted really quickly.

"It's a purse," Valentine spat, "okay? And you stole it from the wrong guy."

"Wait a second, wait a second," said Jace. "We stole from you?"

"Okay, you know what?" said Alec, finally reaching breaking point. He was surprised he had lasted this long. "We don't remember anything that happened last night, so help us out a little here!"

"Well, apparently," said Clary, "you guys met at a craps table late last night. Yeah, you were on a real heater," she pointed to Eric. She was actually surprised he didn't recognise her, after knowing her for most of her life. "And he played your hot streak. He ended up winning just under eighty grand."

"No shit," Jace said automatically. Ever since growing up, all he ever cared about was money. "Eighty grand is nice!"

"Okay, that's good," Alec said, failing to see how they could be in all this shit.

"He put the chips in his purse, then you guys took off with it!"

"That doesn't sound like us," Alec shook his head; he was the responsible one of the group.

"Mine had eighty thousand dollars inside," Valentine gripped the purse angrily. "And this one? Nothing!" He threw it on the ground, and stomped all over it.

"Hey!" Yelled Eric. "There are skittles in there!"

"Ow!" he yelped as Clary punched him in the stomach forcefully. "Oh, not again!" He hid behind Alec.

Valentine chuckled gleefully.

"Don't let the beard fool you!" Alec yelled. "He's a child!"

"It's funny because he's fat!" Valentine was nearly keeling over with intense laughter.

"Now look," said Alec. "This was obviously a very simple misunderstanding. Eric picked up the wrong purse, it's no big deal!"

"Okay," said Valentine, "if it's 'no big deal', why, when I come after you guys, he," he pointed to Jace, "starts screaming like crazy and throws me in the trunk?"

"What?" Jace was secretly pleased with himself; he hadn't felt so powerful in years. "I did that?"

"Yeah," Clary pointed her finger at him accusingly. "You said he was your lucky charm and you wanted to take him home with you."

Jace and Alec laughed nervously.

"Lucky charm!"

"It's just funny!"

Valentine laughed along with them, and somehow slipped the words "fuck you" onto the end of it. You had to admire the man.

"If you want to see your friend again," Valentine said seriously, "you get me my eighty grand."

"What?"

"Our friend?"

"You have Simon?" Screamed Alec.

"You know about our friend?" said Jace.

Jonathan chapped on the side of the car. From the inside, there was an indistinct muffled voice.

"Simon!" They yelled, seeing a masked figure in the back of the car.

"Simon's in the car!" They yelled, as Clary and Jonathan fought to hold them back from the car.

"You, chill out, ginger!" Jace screamed as Clary pushed him back to Alec and Eric. "Okay, okay," he said, putting his hands in the air, "all right, fine."

"What do you want?" Alec asked.

"Not so good now, douche bag," Valentine smiled.

"Look, we're very sorry," said Jace, "but this is an easy fix. Eric, where's his purse?"

"I don't know!" he cried.

"It's in the hotel room, right?" Alec said, logically putting things together.

"Yeah, we can get it," Jace pleaded.

"We can get you the purse; we can even write you a check right now!"

"No chance," Valentine was incredibly untrustworthy. "Cash only."

"There's a person in there!" Alec screamed.

Valentine pretended to yawn. "Boring. I'm going to nap," he said. "Let's go," he motioned to Clary and Jonathan to follow him.

"Wait!" said Jace. "I'm sorry we're boring you!"

"Simon, it's okay!" Alec yelled. "You kidnapped our friend! Kidnapper!"

"Wait!" Jace screamed, as the began to drive away. "You're not going anywhere!" They tried to hold the car down, but, of course, they couldn't. The car easily brushed them off, and their attempts were futile. But, the car did stop.

Valentine rolled down his black tinted window. "Bring the money to Big Rock in Mojave Desert at dawn."

"What?"

"Toodle-oo, motherfucker!" Valentine screamed as the car drove away full speed.

* * *

Alec checked the cupboard, checking under the spare sheets. Eric tried looking in the suggestively filled drawers for the satchel. Jace even helped to look by sweeping the chicken off the counter top and checking in the kitchen.

"Guys, I'm telling you I looked for it everywhere this morning before we left," Eric said, accepting that the satchel was not in the hotel room. "It's not anywhere."

"Fuck!" Jace threw his hands in the air. "Alec, how much you got in the bank?"

"About ten grand, maybe," he said. "I was gonna use it for the wedding."

"Well, you're already married, so you're good there." Jace said, joining Alec and Eric in the living room area. "Besides, enough with Maia, she's the worst."

"Yeah," said Eric. "Simon told me she had sex with a pilot or something like that."

"It was a bartender on a cruise!" Said Alec. "What is wrong with you people?"

Eric looked under a cushion of a chair, found a piece of pizza, and took a bite.

"Eww, Eric, did you just eat sofa pizza?" Asked Alec.

"Yes." Eric said with no shame.

"What are we going to do?" said Jace. "We are so fucked."

"Hey, guys?" said Eric.

"Did you find it?" Alec asked.

"Nope," said Eric. "But check this out." He showed them a copy of _The World's Greatest Blackjack Book.

* * *

**Don't forget to leave a wee review ;D**_


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